I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
