She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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