just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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