Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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