hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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