Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
