ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
