This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
