come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
