great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize