New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You may now shotgun with the bride
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
