So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
