Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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