Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
