you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
