i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
