hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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