i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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