You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
