dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
well you can't waste a boner
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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