so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
