All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
be right there i have to get my cape
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize