The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
