I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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