I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
