We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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