I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hippo gnu deer
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
