i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
