hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize