I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
