My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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