if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
