She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
