I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
