You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize