Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize