Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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