I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
