You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
