Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
