When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
