I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize