I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
