so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
