Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
