i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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