So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
