I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
