2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
