she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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