We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
