could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
