I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
