We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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