As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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