I just threw up on my dentist
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
