I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
