Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
