you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
