Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
