She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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