My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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