He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
