her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
