i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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