We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
