I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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