So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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