Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
