Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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