Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
