I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well you can't waste a boner
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The power of my boobs compel you
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
