why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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