Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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