How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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