I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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