dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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