i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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