i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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