I just threw up on my dentist
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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