i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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