Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
