You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
