How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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