I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
