you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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