Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
