I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
