I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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