tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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