Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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