nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
