I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
