Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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