I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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