she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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