it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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