I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
