if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
