he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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